The extreme emotional states are short-lived, but they attract everything around. They inspire poetry and cinema, they create history. There the feelings reach a burning passion, destructive anger, a deep sorrow, erupting joy. The same as the life of active volcanoes. But what is there before the explosion? What provokes volcanoes to erupt? Small steps, many repetitions, some refusals and other consents, everyday events, routine actions and obsessive thoughts.
My inner world has its external expressions. I observe the situations, their reflections and the changes that lead to an eruption. This helps me get to know and develop myself as a human being.
It often happens that I analyze only after the lava has cooled down. Then resistance and attempts to influence the process are impossible. In this reverse perspective, I try to see myself from the side. I take the tape back to find out exactly how I got to the current situation. I learn about the trends in my behavior and the thought models I follow.
In other cases, I realize that I am in a well-known pattern even before I reach the crucial point. If the expected result is not desired, I start to rationalize and try to influence the process. This partially changes my authenticity, but after a series of attempts it creates a new enhanced authenticity. Somehow, naturally, life cycles and progress will destroy that identity as well. Accepting this tendency makes me replace drama with a slight smile. This is not irony, this is realizing how The Shadow works.